all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
