I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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