ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
