my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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