are you still at the devil's house?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
