apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
