put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
