you traded sex for a burrito?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
