He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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