I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
