Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
