We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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