Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize