i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
