Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
