Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
