we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
