my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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