she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
