My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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