dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
