I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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