I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
