During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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