So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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