I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
