The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
