Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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