i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
