I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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