I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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