Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
