I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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