what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
