Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
