i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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