Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
