VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's blow job season.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
