does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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