woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
