I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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