Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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