I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
