DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
