If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
