Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
