is your mom at the bar?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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