awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
