the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
