Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
